Playing It Safe: What Not To Say To Mum

It seems as though I have been spending more time at home recently which means that I have been getting in the way of my mum a lot more than usual. So I have now gained a bit of experience in how to relax whilst avoiding the angry glare or lectures of the mother. Well actually, perhaps I need to do slightly more avoiding and less gaining of experience. But if you want to live through your teenage and young adult life unscathed, then please pay attention to what I have to say and DO NOT say these things to your mother.

Yeah yeah, I’ll do it in a bit.

You would be forgiven for uttering this statement after being told to do a certain chore in the house. The only problem is you will be forgiven by me but not your mum. If you go ahead and say this then prepare yourself for a yell of “do it NOW!” No, you will not be able to persuade her that you will tidy that messy pile of books after you’ve finished your essay (or Candy Crush game) so you may as well get up and do whatever she has asked you to do before a storm brews up in your room. 

But I hoovered the other day.

Dear friend. The response to this will of course be the ‘you ate the other day, does that mean you don’t want to eat today?’ If you continue to argue then prepare yourself for a lecture on how a person’s home should always be clean. ‘If you die today, people will think this guy was so dirty!’ Umm no mum, they will probably be thinking how sad it is that he got electrocuted with the hoover after it exploded due to overuse. I always find it funny that there is a time limit on how long a room can go without hoovering. This has nothing to do with if the room is dusty but is based merely on the fact that two days have passed since the last ‘cleanse.’ However, try to say this to your mother and expect to receive the front end of the vacuum cleaner in your face.  

I want to go study/live abroad.

Unless your mum has studied or lived abroad herself, then there is no chance you can utter this sentence without some sort of backlash. This perhaps is something that you can’t really complain about as their reluctance has a lot to do with their love for you and worry about your well-being. At the same time, it can be a bit annoying especially if you really want to go study abroad so this matter has to be handled with tact. Otherwise expect a teary and angry response back – or a stony NO. 

Can we eat noodles today?

This may not apply to you but I love noodles. So whenever my mum asks what I want to eat, that is always the answer. It has become the cliché of the family now but sadly, it hasn’t become a cliché for my taste buds. They are still not tired of it. They still crave noodles. Noodles are easy to make so I am easy to please. Don’t say that to my mum, she’ll tell me to make them. After I’ve ‘hoovered’ of course.

I want to buy a motorbike

I’ve went over this before in a previous post. Just NO. 

We bought a dishwasher to wash dishes. Not for me to stare at it whilst I wash them.

I think it will take a while for people to realise that dishwashers are more hygienic and waste less water than washing dishes by hand. Some people rinse the dishes before stacking them. What on earth is that all about? If you ever want proof that humans cannot live with robots then you have it right there. We can’t trust them to wash our spaghetti Bolognese off our plate, how are we meant to trust Robonanny? 

So those are a few pointers. If you have any lifesaving tips then pop them down below but I will end by saying, take this post utterly seriously 😉 At the same time don’t forget to give your mum the love and respect she deserves. 

Until Next Time

A Worried Student